All I want to hear..
Is something to make me feel better.
I don’t want to hear that the way you do things is different than I do things. I want to hear that the way I feel isn;t the fucking dramatic bullshit I feel like it is. I wish that when I told someone that my sister said she didn’t love me tonight in a fit of rage that it was okay to feel like I want to burn from the inside out. I wish that when that stupid boy I had a smoke with tonight didn’t leave me and just let me sit there with him under the Safeway sign, smoking and talking like real friends intsead of leaving me for something else to do. I want to have someone say to me that I’m not over reacting. I wish someone could make me feel fucking normal for once in my life. I’m actually so sick of being weird. Every time that I feel like I should feel a certain way, everyone makes it seem like I’m right. And as much as I LOVE to be right, I wish I were wrong. I really wish that I didn’t know people just don’t care.
I’m bored of myself. I’m bored of my life and the way I live. I’m bored of who I am and what I think is funny. I’m bored of the world and the sky and the people and the beautiful things and the ugly things and everything.
You’re not even fucking reading this? Look at it. It’s nothing. It’s words on the internet that blend in with more words and more bullshit. More feelings that don’t mean anything to anyone and that’s just how it is. I hate… I hate myself. -.-’
I’m going to finish writing this, wait a few months, re-read this and think “What a pitiful piece of work I am. Who cares?” And I’m going to hit that electrical fence that sends jolts of anguish that I don’t deserve to feel. Again. And again. And again. And over and over and over. For months and months and months. And who cares? I don’t even care enough about myself to finish writing this. I don’t fucking care goddamnit.
All I want to hear is someone’s heartbeat in my ear. All I want to feel is warm arms around me. All I want to know is I’m okay. That I have nothing to worry about. I want to know that without question or a single doubt. “You’re okay Michelle.” All I want to do is cry into someone who fucking cares.
But who cares?
