I could
Be a little nicer, present a little classier, try a little harder, be a little smarter, feel a little less, know a little more, understand better, have nicer eyes, be taller, be thinner, laugh oftener, cry less, be prettier.
I could be everything I am not now, and then I would be okay. But only because I am not those things that I wish I could be. If I were all of those things that I wish I were, then I would not be the person who stands in front of the world today. I would be better, maybe. I would be more acceptable in the eyes of the people who surround me and the people who surround them. But then again, would I be acceptable in the eyes of myself? Will I ever be acceptable in my eyes? Will any of us?
I am growing sick and tired of my sister more and more each and every day. I catch myself often hoping she’ll get hit in the face by a boomerang or the cat will hit her with his claws. I keep expecting something terrible to happen to her, as she has put me through so much shit in the last little while that I wouldn’t mind it if she got her just desserts. I hope that one day she’ll understand that the world doesn’t revolve around her, that there really are things out there far larger than she. I know she’ll understand that one day, just as I have, just as we all have. But I have the sinking feeling that, because of her defencive attitude and vainity, that it will be much, much later on in life that she discovers the world around her. She’ll have to take off her blinkers and look around for once in her life.
Me too kiddo. Me too.
popinjay n. a vain and talkative person.
