Sometimes I hold my own hand just to have a hand in my own. Sometimes I fall asleep clutching my body pillow, pretending it’s the shoulders of someone strong and loving. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep at the thought of being loved for what I hate so much about myself. Sometimes I wonder why, when I really do need someone there for me, no one is there. Sometimes I question the intentions of the people I know with the hopes that I am correct about them. Sometimes I wish someone would call me when I never even asked them to. Sometimes I wish I could not be so blinded by the fine line dividing what I desire and what I need. Sometimes I feel like I pity myself too much and it’s just despicable. Sometimes I close up like a Morning Glory and all it takes is a little light to open me up. Sometimes I’m so cliche, it sickens me. Sometimes I feel like someone would be able to understand this all if they just listened. Sometimes I feel like I need love. Sometimes I forget why I care and I stop crying and bitching and complaining. Sometimes I’m a new me.
Sometimes it’s a lie. Sometimes it’s not. Sometimes I’m so good at acting, no one knows what is wrong until I tell them. Sometimes I feel like I need to beg for attention. Sometimes I feel like I need to know someone cares. Sometimes I doubt everyone and everything except for Farley. Sometimes I wish Farley could speak human too. Sometimes I know what my cat is thinking just by looking him in the eyes. Sometimes I read people so well, it makes me not like them anymore. Sometimes I can’t read people at all. Sometimes my attraction fades who the person is with who I wish they were. Sometimes I feel so out of place and alone. Sometimes, when it’s the end of the day and everyone finishes their last smoke and I am the last one standing there after everyone has said their goodbyes, I wish they would have invited me. Sometimes they do. Sometimes they don’t. Sometimes I wish I could have been there since the begining with some of these kids. Sometimes I wish I knew more than what they told me. Sometimes I go for long walks with my laptop in my purse to write.
This is not one of those moments.
